giving thanks

for thanksgiving. finished up what turned out to be a refreshing and encouraging week of teaching. spent my friday evening at felton's finest: monty's. woke up for a slow morning at cafe brazil with austin. then drove with kelly (clarkson) to SF for a night with my sister before heading to modesto for some time there. i need a break. and hopefully this will be the one i need.

bats eat bugs they don't eat people

a glimpse of my nighthike tonight.

me: there are three main classifications of bats. does anyone know what they are?

student 1: fruit bats

me: and what else?

student 2, 3, or 6: insect bats

me: and the last one?

student some other: vampire bats

me: that's right. and what do you think fruit bats eat?

student 6?: fruit!

me: right. and insect bats?

student who cares: insects!

me: good. and what about vampire bats. what do they eat?

students in perfect unison: VAMPIRES!



of course.

it's gonna be one of those days

i woke up to my alarm and immediately burst into tears.

im so tired.  in just about every way possible. and this is how i will get through my day: zoe zoe zoe. because in a week i'm gonna see that kid.  

living to work and working to live

my job isn't perfect. but whose is? nobody i know. i can say however that my job has to be better than most. there's this tension between the tendency to live for your work, or only working in order to live...like...to pay for life. but i think i get to do a little of both. the work i do, and the people i do it with just makes me more alive. which is a nice treat. also nice that i get paid (not very much) to become more alive.

today was monday. monday means new kids. meet elizabeth. whenever we're out hiking and i stop to teach about something my kids know to get in a 'sticky-toe-circle'. elizabeth has a magical power: she's always there. not one time did i turn around today and she wasn't right behind me...or just plain touching me. and every time i stop and say 'sticky-toe-circle' of course elizabeth is next to me and of course she places her whole foot on top of mine. because...she's ALWAYS there.

realism vs optimism

i've never really considered myself much of an optimist. and i'm certainly no idealist. or am i? i don't know. but i stumbled upon a quote on this monday. 

"teaching is the greatest act of optimism" 

-colleen wilcox

maybe these existential labels are just too small.

you see, i have this belief. and some days it's stronger than others.

i somewhere deep down believe in the kingdom of God. and that it's coming, i hope. that someday the words of scripture will prove true and that someday swords will, indeed, be beaten into plowshares. and please god, no more death.

and there are all sorts of tangentially connected ideas about how and where and when this will all come about. ideas about hell and where the kingdom of god is. but i hope it's true when john suggests that the kingdom of man will become the kingdom of god. and i hope jesus wasn't lying when he said it's nearer now than we know.

because here's the thing. i'm getting tired of waiting. i read the news and i get impatient. i go and see and i get angry. i'm just no good at waiting.

my brother recently spent some time discussing the official whose son was dying. he spent a whole day walking to where jesus was in hopes that jesus would return with him to heal his son. and instead jesus says 'go home, your son will live'. but what i never stopped to notice was that the official then had to go and walk for another day, to see if his son indeed did live.

todd says that i pray. and whatever that is and whatever that looks like, it involves a lot of me letting god know that there are a lot of sons dying. and somewhere wrapped up in that eschatological mess jesus says they're going to live. but i have to keep walking to find out if it's true.

i'm tired of walking. and my feet are stained with that red clay dirt. i guess that's why jesus washed his disciples' feet.

'i don't think i should ever have my own kids. i'm just not sure i'll love them as much as zoe'